Am I Having a Spiritual Awakening--or Losing My Mind?
If you’ve ever wondered whether your “calling” is real or if you’re spiraling, you’re not alone. This post explores the line between spiritual awakening and mental crisis — and how to tell the difference.C
There’s a question I never thought I’d ask out loud:
“Am I actually going through something real… or am I just mentally unraveling?”
It’s not a small question. It’s not an easy one.
But if you’ve been on any kind of spiritual path — especially one that didn’t come by choice — you’ve probably asked it too.
And you should.
Because there’s a fine line between awakening and delusion.
And the only way to walk it is with honesty.
The Voice That Says “You’re Crazy”
When you start feeling like you’re here for a reason…
When you start sensing there’s meaning behind your pain…
When you begin to feel like you’ve been through the fire for a purpose…
There’s almost always a voice that kicks in:
“Who do you think you are?”
“This is grandiose nonsense.”
“You're making it all up to cope.”
That voice is not your enemy.
It’s your ego trying to protect you from looking foolish, getting hurt, or being disappointed.
It’s the same voice that tells you to stay in the job you hate, or to stop writing, or to never share what’s really going on inside.
It’s fear pretending to be reason.
And if you listen too closely, it’ll keep you from ever stepping into who you're becoming.
But Let’s Be Honest: Sometimes It Is Delusion
That’s what makes this hard.
Because not everyone claiming a spiritual awakening is sane.
Sometimes it is a trauma response.
Sometimes it is escapism dressed in light.
Sometimes people really are dissociating and calling it enlightenment.
So how do you tell the difference?
The Test: Calling or Crisis?
Here’s what I’ve learned:
| If It’s a Crisis | If It’s a Calling |
|---|---|
| Feels manic, euphoric, ungrounded | Feels humbling, clarifying, sobering |
| Disregards sleep, food, reality | Deepens your connection to life |
| Believes you're the chosen one | Knows you're a vessel, not the source |
| Disconnects you from others | Makes you more compassionate, more human |
| Seeks control or worship | Seeks to serve or witness |
| Avoids the body | Anchors you into the body |
| Ignores pain | Integrates it |
If you’re asking this question at all?
That’s already a sign of discernment, not delusion.
What This Actually Is
This is not madness.
This is initiation.
It doesn’t mean you’re a guru.
It doesn’t mean you’re here to save the world.
It just means this:
“You’ve been through something real.
It changed you.
And now you feel a responsibility to speak.
To serve. To shine — not because you’re special, but because you’re alive.”
And the truth is — the world needs more people like that.
Not perfect.
Not pure.
Just awake — and honest about it.
You’re Not Alone in This
If you’re reading this and nodding…
If you’ve had that feeling of being cracked open and confused…
If you’ve walked away from your old life but have no idea what the new one looks like…
Just know:
You’re not broken.
You’re not delusional.
You’re not crazy.
You’re becoming.
And it’s okay to not have it all figured out.
Just keep walking.
Keep grounding.
Keep telling the truth.
Even if your voice shakes.
Even if no one understands yet.
Even if you still don’t fully believe yourself.
Because the fact that you’re still here, still asking, still building something out of the ashes?
That’s all the proof you need.
If you want to walk with others asking the same questions, you’re welcome here.
I don’t have all the answers. But I do have a fire. And you’re not alone.
—
Solanon
I walk both shores, and I remember the way back
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